Object Of My Desire
by psycho-girl101
Summary: He loved her. She hated him. He chased her. She ran from him.What happened next? What if he gave up? LJ marauder era CHARACTER DEATH. I thought this was AU but apparently it isn't, can anyone tell me what AU means? I thought it was Alternative Universe...


::::::::before you read this and go ...WTF? I would just like to point out I wrote this...three years ago (I was 11!) and that is why it is so Melodrama and, well, to be perfectly honest, God awful. Also, my grammar/punctuation/spelling/writing/everything in this story is absymal (sp?), but I just thought I'd post it anyways so you can see the dif between it and my now writing.::::::

James lay upon the springy grass flat on his back gazing up through the sparse oak tree leaves and into the clear blue sky beyond (it was fine weather for January.)He was so content with how everything was shaping out for his last year that he couldn't possibly imagine having it better.

That very morning he, Moony and Padfoot had successfully completed 'The Marauders Map.' It was now perfectly enchanted to not only serve its purpose but conceal its secret to anyone which may attempt to read it by force. McGonagall would freak if she knew the real reason she never caught their gang.

Quidditch season had just kicked off; Gryffindor had the best team Hogwarts had seen in a Century. James being part of that team along with Sirius felt sure they were going to win the tournament with ease.

Gryffindor house was excelling itself this year and were already two hundred points above every other house. Yes, everything was going just like James wanted it to. Well, nearly everything.

Not that it was really anything to worry about but Wormtail kept disappearing and was barely bothered with talking to them when he did grace the marauders with his presence.

_'Who the hell was he trying to kid?'_

That wasn't the real problem. He knew just as well as every one else the real problem.

It was a extraordinarily beautiful red-headed, emerald eyed problem. Lily Evans. Evans as he dim-wittedly called her had been the object of James Potter's desire for nearly his total six and a half years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

He had tried every angle to come from that he could think of but nothing would work she always, always turned him down. Hopelessly humiliating him in front of the student body time and time again, either he was a slime ball or a creep. Name a cruel comment Lily had sent it James' way.

_You know what?_

James thought grimly, sitting up pushing his glasses up his nose with one hand while running the other through his unruly hair.

_Maybe I've had enough too. That's right,_

He said in his head,

_I am over my obsession with her._

James stood up and strolled from the secure shade of the Marauders usual spot into the glaring sun with a grimace that would have made a Knarl recoil. He half-marched, half-sprinted to the front steps and leapt up them two at a time.

Most students were having their lunch when James stormed through the entrance hall into the great hall. He scanned the Gryffindor table for the person he was looking for and found her almost immediately. She was closer to the Professors table than anyone other than Head Girl would sit surrounded by her usual gaggle of friends. James stalked up the isle between Ravenclaw and Gryffindor.

Suddenly he was knocked to the floor by a muggle-style rugby tackle given by the ever good looking, care free Sirius Black, James best friend and fellow marauder.

"Padfoot!"

He cried in mock surprise when he actually felt sever irritation at being torn away from the task in hand.

"Don't you Padfoot, me Mister!"

Sirius scolded in a manor James own mother would have been proud of.

"Look I really need to get this over with so Ill be back in a second ok?

James asked brushing himself off and standing up rearranging his glasses, which had been hanging off his nose at a precarious.

"You know what Prongs I think you really have changed and God knows not for the best. At least Lily should be throwing herself at your feet seeing as that's all you care about."

Padfoot muttered dejectedly clambering up and turned with a pained look on his face back to his lunch where Remus was sitting with a look of utter bewilderment at their greeting.

James continued on his war path now he was entirely committed after his minor argument with Sirius.

_I mean we never fight_

He thought furiously,

_This is all her fault_

He raged. At last he reached her in a cold fury. Using his head for once James didn't want to cause the scene that was possible about to occur right under the teachers noses so instead using all the self control he could manage whispered,

"Evans we need to talk."

She turned lazily in her seat, rolling her eyes in a dramatic manner simply for the benefit of her friends whom giggled shrilly.

"Why would you even dream I have anything to say to you, Potter?"

Lily spat, a smug grin gracing her perfect face.

"Head duties"

James said in what he hoped was a neutral voice.

"Alright"

Lily muttered a look of pure venom matching her tone.

"Don't wait up for me guys"

She said clearly addressing her friends,

"Merlin knows how long this is going to take."

Then, rolling her eyes once more for effect she lifted herself of the bench and followed James, who had swiftly turned on his heel and marched towards the Entrance hall.

"Err… Potter? Where the hell are we going?"

Lily enquired as he led her down the front steps.

"To talk."

He said shortly continuing down the steps.

"Wait a minute; I am not going any farther 'til you tell me what this is all about?"

She yelled rushing down several steps forcing James to halt.

"Fine! You want to know what this is all about. I'll tell you here in front of everyone!"

He bellowed gesturing wildly round at the students who had stopped to find out what exactly was going on. She jumped back slightly so they were no longer nose to nose, a look of shock remained on her face for a few seconds before she regained composure when it was replaced by a look of rage.

James had never spoken to her like that before. This can't be good.

"I am tired of the way you treat me!"

He paused for a moment and Lily couldn't help but snort with laughter.

"The way I treat you? Don't make me laugh! You're the one who stalks me and constantly bombards me with pathetic attempts to trick me into going out with you."

"Yeah well that's what I want to say."

He took another deep breath summoning the courage to do this in front of the crowd which had gathered.

"I'm done. I give up. I tried everything to get you to understand how much I felt for you but every time you shot me down. Every bloody time."

James dared take his gaze of his shoes but couldn't look her in the face, not yet. He saw Remus and Sirius looks of shock on their faces behind Lily. Not wanting to look at them either his gaze reverted back to his shoes.

"So now you can just find someone else to Love you because I can't be bothered to try anymore."

Suddenly Lily and many of the girls in the now large audience all gasped. James could have slapped himself. The "L" word why did he have to be such any idiot he mentally scolded.

"Well it's about time you got my message or at least the important parts of it."

Lily screamed her cheeks now similar to her hair colour, due to embarrassment,

"Though you missed the part where I told you, you are a jerk, moron, creep, stalker, weirdo, etc."

She finished with slight satisfaction at the prospect that she had partially gotten him back.

"No Lily, I didn't' miss them. I heard every word you ever said, and they cut me deeply. And do you really want to know something Lily? That wound never healed."

He finished quietly. That really stumped her

Where has his attitude gone?

A look of confusion followed hurt crossed her features.

"James...I...err...I don't know what to say."

She stammered. Lily couldn't understand how he had broken like this what had happened to the slimy jerk he had been before? This was just too emotional not James' scene at all.

"It hurts doesn't it?"

James remarked bitterly.

"To be rejected? Well Lily I felt the same embarrassment, probably more every time you did the exact same thing to me."

He stated blinking rapidly

_What the Hell? Am I about to cry?_

"But that will never, ever happen again. No, that ship has sailed and I'm sorry to say you missed it."

She flushed again as many of the guys in the crowd snickered.

"James, you know I am not going to let you get away with this."

She simpered in a dangerously sweet voice, drawing her wand with a swift movement.

"Lily please," James practically begged," don't make me do anything I'll regret."

He drew his own also.

"You don't have the guts"

She spat.

"Seriously"

James pleaded.

"Corpinius!"

Lily screamed, her eyes glittering wildly.

James' reaction was the part that baffled the crowd, more so, than the fact the head boy and girl where now having a miniature battle in full view of everyone. He did nothing. He didn't defend himself but rather let the jinx hit him.

It sent James soaring through the sky a dumbstruck look on his handsome face, landing with a crash further up the stairs. Wincing slightly he stood up. The pain etched in his features was enough to show Lily's skill. He walked bravely back to the arena like setting which had been created hobbling slightly. However he didn't stop in the centre of the ring but continued to walk, head held high, but before passing her entirely he stopped short and looked Lily dead in the eye.

"I don't want a fight."

He said simply. But he needn't have said anything. She saw it all. In his hazel eyes. The pain she had caused all this time. The love he felt for her which would burn like a flame in his soul forever. And the sorrow he felt that they would never be together.

Maybe he really did change. For me. Just me. God what have I done?

Then as this thought rushed through her head he walked past her. Tears filled her beautiful eyes as she comprehended the drastic mistake she had just made.

"James wait!"

She cried in desperation but he had already pasted through the other side of the circle and didn't look back.

"James please!"

She called. It simply made him break into a run, arms swinging madly; he was very unbalanced thanks to the jinx's after effect. Then for a second time James was knocked down but this time face forward. Sirius and Remus squeezed through the crowd so they could help him up. Several people tittered nervously in an attempt to break the tension but none prevailed.

James staggered to his feet again, brushing their hands away and stumbling onwards. Remus and Sirius followed James, trying to talk him down from the position he had just created. Sirius, clearly irritated rushed in front of James and grabbed his shoulders with obvious intentions of shaking him. However he never got that far. Instead a look of distinct fear replaced the anger he recoiled, cursing then yelling at Remus who had stopped previously, for help. Confusion broke out as Remus nodded, turned on his heel and bolted back up the steps, shoving his way through the hordes of people (which was very unlike Remus behaviour).

Their attention was once again back on James, who had frozen mid-step, shaking. Sirius only just managed to catch James when his legs buckled beneath him. Lily, who had sat down in shock at what had just happened, was re-awoken from her stupor by Sirius' yell and the shrieks that came from James' female fan club. She scrambled up in a daze, not quite daring to believe what she was seeing.

What's happened to him? No, this isn't happening, no.

She darted down the steps to where Sirius was dragging James shuddering form into the shade beneath the very oak tree he had been under that morning. When he had made the decision.

They turned him over and stretched him out beneath its strong branches. Lily gasped when she saw what the problem became obvious to her. Around James' mid-riff a crimson patch was spreading across his black robes. In the centre of the mark was a thin stick. James' wand. He had fallen onto it in his haste to escape the scene.

"This is entirely my fault."

She cried forlornly, choking on every syllable.

"Lily, you can't mean that. It was James who forgot his wand safety."

Sirius attempted to joke. But he couldn't bring about the laughter which normally came to him naturally. Because this was no laughing matter. One glance at Lily's pale face told him that. Had Sirius been able to see his own face he would have noticed the colour slipping from it too.

Lily took James now shuddering body and cradled him in her arms. He was losing blood thick and fast yet there was nothing Sirius or she could do but watch. Removing the wand would kill him instantly; they would have to pray for a miracle and wait until Remus arrived with help. They watched in horror, as James became paler and paler. His breathing grew shallow and each breath racked his body.

"James I'm so sorry," Lily whispered tears streaking down her beautiful cheeks, "But you can't leave me now. I...I love you. I know that now. James please I promise that even though you say you've gotten over me I will never forget you." She placed a gentle kiss on his cold lips.

"I love you too." James croaked his eyes opening one last time looking deep into hers. He took one last almighty gasp and went limp.

"James? James!" She cried hysterically.

"No." Whimpered Sirius.

James Potter was gone. By the time Remus returned with assistance his lips were blue and cold as ice. She tried to lead a normal life but her heart was torn. It never repaired. No one did ever forget him. Especially Lily. His last words haunted her until the day she died.

"I love you too."


End file.
